Side Effects
by petalled
Summary: Happy twenty-fifth birthday, Relena. Congratulations on becoming the embodiment of bioterror from outer space. 1xR two-parter.
1. Part 1

**Disclaimer:** GW = not mine.

**Author's Note: **Ugh, I think I'm losing my touch. I've never been too good at writing 1xR getting together since I tend to prefer writing fic where they're already together. Also, I PROMISE this will only be a two-parter. Bear with me.

**Side Effects  
by mistress amethyst une**

**Part 1**

Relena wasn't sick.

At least, that was what she insisted.

She reasoned that she had simply caught a mild case of the flu. It was hardly debilitating enough to keep her from her birthday party that night. However, supporting such a claim was difficult considering she had caught the aforementioned flu while visiting a colony region that had recently been placed under quarantine. The disease wasn't anything life threatening, but memories of the plague that had swept L-2 just decades ago made the colonies far more prudent when it came to potential epidemics. Nowadays, you couldn't even sneeze up there without being rushed to a clinic for immediate treatment. In an environment that recycled much of its air and water, they just couldn't risk a pathogenic threat.

But Relena was back on Earth now.

What was all the fuss about? Despite being feverish and dizzy, she had offered no protests when the spaceport authority ushered her and Heero into a decontamination chamber upon landing. She wasn't even uncomfortable about being shoved into a locker room, and asked to strip naked prior to the procedure. Mild surprise did register when she entered the chamber and saw that she would be sharing it with Heero. Taking this development in stride, she quickly turned her back to him. Struggling to stand and completely bare, she was far too out of it to feel embarrassed.

As the chamber doors shut with a thud, she even found it in her heart to look on the bright side. At least it had been Heero piloting the shuttle, and she wasn't naked with some stranger. Still, it seemed like fate's agenda for the day was to make certain she had nothing to be optimistic about. As anyone who had undergone the decontamination procedure before would attest to, it's difficult to look on the bright side of things when a bright flash steals your vision then makes you see stars. She now had a fair idea of what getting hit by lightning would feel like as pain permeated her every pore.

Strong arms caught her by her elbows as she fell to her knees. Given that no one else was in the chamber, it could only have been Heero. He swiftly released her once she was able to stand. The chamber doors opened with a hiss. It served as the perfect distraction from the burning she felt in her cheeks. At that point, she didn't know if it was from her fever, the decontamination, or his touch.

She opted not to think about it too hard. Ever since he came to work for Preventer after the Second Eve War, she had kept him at arm's length. Professionalism was tantamount. Besides, he had a propensity for disappearing at the drop of a hat, and she couldn't risk getting attached when the world depended on her.

But sometimes, he would do things.

A brush of his hand against her knuckle as an offer to walk her down a flight of stairs.

Leaning in just a bit too close so his breath made her lips yearn to part and devour his mouth.

Holding her against him just a bit too long when he perceived a threat.

She wasn't an idiot.

He knew the effect he had on her.

She knew he was coming onto her in the least subtle way possible.

She just wasn't about to fall for it.

They took separate exits, using the points from which they had come in. She found her black pantsuit, which now smelled strongly of disinfectant, neatly folded in the locker room. Sighing, she wondered why the spaceport even bothered separating the sexes with locker rooms if they were just going to forget about it when it came time to go in the chamber. Miracles of bureaucracy, she supposed.

After dressing in haste, she found Heero and a rather loquacious doctor waiting for her outside. Upon seeing her, the doctor apologized profusely for the inconvenience, launching into a long-winded explanation about how this space port lacked funding for more than one decontamination chamber since their region didn't get much colony traffic. Hints about her potentially appealing to the ESUN were dropped left and right. He then went into a spiel about how the thing took an hour to charge per blast but could kill more pathogens per square micron with a controlled dose of radiation calibrated-

Relena passed out before the man could get another word in edgewise.

Had she complained then?

No.

She only started to complain upon awakening in an unfamiliar bed. The sound of a PA system greeting her with news that she and Heero would be put under quarantine for a 24 hour observation period had her bolting off the mattress, bare feet hitting cold tile. She paced the room, hands caught in her already disheveled hair. The room was stark white with two hospital beds. A two-way mirror substituted for one of the walls. Trying the steel door proved futile; it wouldn't budge. The whole place looked like the sort of holding room you reserved for patient zero in case of a zombie apocalypse.

"You assured us that decontamination would guarantee a clean bill of health," she argued, spotting the speaker positioned to the top left of the ceiling and resisting the urge to yell at it. She knew very well that they could just mute her if she lost her cool.

"You had an adverse reaction to the procedure, Minister Darlian," answered the male voice she recognized as belonging to the doctor they had met earlier. "We need to keep you and your companion under observation in case of complications. He has already agreed to our terms. It's for the safety of the public."

She turned around to look at Heero who simply sat up in his bed, staring at nothing in particular.

"Why him, too?" she questioned. "He didn't have an adverse reaction, did he?"

"No, ma'am," replied the speaker, static crackling the audio as he spoke. "But he underwent the procedure with you. We can't take any chances. Adverse effects may manifest in due time. Currently, we are re-calibrating the-"

The transmission dissolved into crackling, ultimately replaced by a female computer voice. "Audio system malfunction," it crooned. "Please standby."

Relena stalked back toward her bed, letting herself fall backwards onto it.

Great.

This was just great.

Happy twenty-fifth birthday, Relena. Congratulations on becoming the embodiment of bioterror from outer space.

"Your fever is gone," muttered Heero from the bed beside hers. "The decontamination worked."

Lying there, she tilted her head to look at him. "Are you actually starting a conversation? In this situation?"

He simply shrugged, sitting upright with his legs stretched out under the sheets. "As good a time as any."

"I don't think so," she huffed. "They can hear us."

He absentmindedly fiddled with his Preventer jacket, removing a button from the sleeve. "Not with this signal jammer activated."

She looked at him like he had lost his mind. "That's a button."

"Touch-activated signal jammer," he insisted. "I could be belting happy birthday right now, and they wouldn't hear a thing."

"I would prefer it if you didn't," she said, irritation apparent as she sat up to mirror him. "Just deactivate it, and let me talk to them."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Why the hell not?" she blurted, surprised at how easily exasperation reduced her to swearing.

"The decontamination," he stated, sounding grave. "I've never seen you like that before."

"Naked?"

"Dead."

* * *

Prompt: birthday - celebrant is sick and absurd. Part 2 coming soon. I promise! :)


	2. Part 2

**Disclaimer:** GW = not mine.

**Author's Note:** Since I was trying to write in third-person from Heero's POV, this was kind of a bitch to write so yeah, so very sorry. I get distracted by shiny frozen teardrops.

**Side Effects  
by mistress amethyst une**

**Part 2**

"Excuse me?" she exclaimed, throwing him a glare as she bolted upright in her bed. "I'm sitting right here, and you're saying I died? I've never known you to be one for jokes, Heero."

"I'm not."

"Then what is this all about?"

"When you passed out, I caught you. For a second, I thought you were-"

"But I wasn't, was I?"

"No."

"Heero, blowing things out of proportion isn't like you."

"I'm not blowing things out of proportion."

"You equated a fainting spell to death."

"I call it like I see it," he grumbled, manifesting frustration at how this was turning into an argument. "Y-you-"

He paused. Did he just stutter? The look of confusion on her face probably mirrored his own.

"I?" she prodded, eyebrow raised.

He hated when she did that. The first time she had looked at him like that was when he first arrived at Sank. As he limped off the shuttle with Quatre's aid, she just gave him that pointed look from the bottom of the air-stairs, sighing as he made his slow progress down the steps. It was a look of judgment, and was probably the closest Relena Darlian would ever get to saying "Are you fucking serious?" To be fair, she had just stopped seeking him out when he decided to land right on her doorstep.

At least, she had been smiling then.

Right now, her lips were pressed into a firm line. Her mastery of the political poker face was something she took pride in. If the current situation amused her, she wasn't letting on.

"You worry me," he decided aloud.

Yes, that was a nice safe answer.

"Oh..."

And so the raised brow descended. By the tone of her voice, he knew he had crossed some barrier. There was definitely a hint of disappointment in that "oh."

"Is that all?" she added, clearing her throat for good measure. She was compensating for her trepidation. So much for that poker face...

"Happy birthday?" he offered. "Seeing that we are currently detained, I apologize but my card will be late this year."

Every year, a card that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY in simple block letters signed with his name at the bottom would appear on her desk without fail. Thus far, she had nine of them beginning with the one she had ripped and taped back together. That had been a sweet sixteen, indeed. Just last week, he recalled glimpsing the tattered ear of the bear he had gotten her that year; it was poking out of her top desk drawer. Hard to believe that almost a decade had passed since he had left the stuffed animal on her shuttle seat.

She bit her lip. "Thank you. I suppose it's a welcome relief that you'll be spared the stress of this year's party."

"Don't project on me."

That came out a bit more accusatory than he intended.

"What?"

And it was apparent that he had shattered her calm. Her brow was furrowed now. Milk was spilled, eggs were broken. Time to make breakfast? That was how the saying went, right?

"You enjoy those society affairs about as much as I do," he uttered with conviction.

That certainly pushed a button.

"That may well be the case but I don't flee from them, do I?" she hurled back. "I don't flee from what I find bothersome. I can't say the same for you."

And there she went again, taking him aback. Why did she have such a knack for doing that?

"Bothersome? What are you talking about?"

"This is a bother, isn't it?"

"The assignment?"

"Me."

He looked at her as if she had grown an extra head. "Do you really think I would be here if I found this bothersome?"

"You've left before," she said, crossing her arms over her chest, expression deadening back into her poker face as if to close herself off.

"I'm not leaving again," he blurted.

Her eyes widened as she stared at him in disbelief. "Never lie to a politician, Heero."

"I know better than to try."

At that moment, the space between their beds seemed like an impermeable barrier. Neither of them moved from where they sat, and it seemed as if they were now engaged in a staring contest neither of them had agreed upon.

"You can still take it back," she muttered, breaking the stalemate. "I would rather you go now and never return than make a promise you can't keep."

"That wasn't a promise. It was a statement of fact. Also, for a politician, you're a bad liar."

She opened her mouth to protest but he stood up and stalked toward her. Leaning in close, he rested his forehead against hers, making certain that she looked in his eyes.

"I'm staying," he told her. "So stop keeping me at arm's length."

"Are you a mind-reader now?" she mocked.

"I just know what you want."

His lips engulfed hers, stealing whatever arguments against him she had left. He threw a side-ward glance at the two-way mirror as he kissed her, pulling his mouth away with reluctance.

"They can see us," he growled.

But she had already curled an arm around the back of his neck.

"Let them think it's a side effect."

And she kissed him again.

* * *

I apologize for the abundance of lame but I had to put this fic out of its misery. Hope it wasn't too abrupt.


End file.
